


just us tonight

by orphan_account



Category: South Park
Genre: Fast Food, Homophobic Language, M/M, Protectiveness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-11-26 07:08:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20926163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Kyle and Cartman are working together again, and well, it goes exactly as expected. With a slight twist.





	just us tonight

Cartman always thought the phrase “history repeats itself” was stupid. Why the fuck would something happen again if assholes already knew what the outcome would be? It made no sense. He ignored it when he took world history freshman year.

But maybe, just maybe, he was wrong this one time. He says that only because right now, he is flipping burgers and frying cold slices of potatoes all the while Kyle works the cashier. He can hear him from the back and he sounds friendly and confident and in that tone of voice that is in those fast food commercials that are replayed 24/7. Narcissistic asshole.

It was a coincidence, he was pretty sure. They are both broke teens trying to get some money and a little bit of freedom from their uptight mothers. That doesn’t stop Cartman from rolling his eyes when he got the news that Kyle was starting on monday. He contemplates quitting, but decides that a fat check outweighs working with the Jew, and he really doesn’t mind the limitless fries and ice cream throughout his day too much either.

A couple of weeks flew by, and Cartman was tired to say the least. Constant bitching can really take a toll on a person, and it seemed to be that he was the outlet of the Jew’s pent up anger. 

The fucked up part about all this was that they almost always had the same schedule, in some unspoken irony. And maybe the most fucked up part was that they made a great team. Their manager commented on it, and they gave each other a pursed smile and fake clap on the back.

But maybe he shouldn’t have been so surprised. ’Cartman Burger’ only got as far as it did because he had Kyle on his side and in control of things. Ugh. He shoves that realization into the back of his mind and moves along with his work.

Of course he expects the bickering and fights. It’s really only natural. Sometimes it's when he takes his sweet time with the grill and Kyle fumes, sometimes it’s when he swipes Kyle’s nose with the tip of his ice cream cone on break, and the most recent (and biggest) being when Cartman got promoted to co-manager position after proving himself worthy by keeping everyone (especially Kyle) in check.

What Cartman doesn’t expect though, was to feel a twinge of anger when the bitch who is currently ordering starts to speak to Kyle more aggressively. He tries to ignore it, he really does.

“I’m sorry Miss, but the ice cream machine isn’t working right now.”

“Why the fuck isn’t it working? It’s literally _never_ working!” 

This argument has been going on for quite a while, and Cartman really can’t resist minding his business any longer, so he takes a peek at the lady and…she looks exactly how she sounds. The deadliest combo in the food industry: white and privileged. She’s sporting the ’Karen’ haircut and her highlights are so badly done that it almost makes him want to laugh. Not to mention the botched barbie bright pink lipstick that is slathered on her lips.

Cartman switches his eyes over to Kyle. He’s getting irritated now, although he is trying to maintain a friendly smile. It’s as fake as Karen’s splotchy tan skin and Cartman can’t help but smirk to himself.

“Ma’am, I’m sorry for the inconvenience but there is nothing I can do.”

“I’m sure there is something you can do.”

Cartman strangely feels a surge of pride when Kyle snaps back.

“Okay, you need to leave now, there is literally nothing I can do. Just go to Baskin Robbins if you want ice cream that bad! Seriously!”

Karen goes to open her open mouth but is interrupted, sadly.

“Is there a problem here?”

Kyle snaps his head toward him, a look on his face that translates to _‘i can handle this’_, but Cartman can’t find it in himself to give a shit. 

“Yes. Actually, there is.” Karen puts her hands on her hips in a patronizing way and Cartman already wants to slap the shit out of her.

“This, _fag,_ won’t give me my fucking ice cream. Would you please do something about it, sir?”

Both Kyle and Cartman’s mouths were wide open, and Cartman knew that shit was about to go down.

“Excuse me??” Kyle asked.

“You heard what I said.” The fat bitch offered. She leaned over the counter and got directly in Kyle’s face, which provoked something deep inside Cartman.

_“Faggot.”_

Kyle looked like he was about to burst out in a fit of anger, and a horrible, horrible idea popped into Cartman’s head. Well, it was too late now.

“How about you shut the fu- _Mph.”_

Before Kyle could finish his sentence, Cartman grabbed Kyle’s face and pressed his lips against his, an audible noise of surprise came from the back of Kyle’s throat but he didn’t try pulling away. Instead, his eyebrows furrowed and he began to slowly kiss Cartman back with an unexpected passion and a bit of tongue too. 

He pulled away, hesitantly but smiling, and Kyle was still staring at him with a confused expression on his face. 

Karen, meanwhile, looked like she was about to throw up so, _mission accomplished._ Cartman took Kyle’s hand in his, and held it up to show it off.

“Fuck off, you baby boomer. People are gay and you know what? That isn’t gonna ruin your life. Now, get the hell out of here.”

Karen pursed her lips, and began in a trembling calm voice.

“Put your manager on the phone. _Right. Now.”_

Cartman raised his eyebrows, and stifled a laugh. “You are talking to him right now, ugly ass bitch.”

Something pleasant settled in Cartman’s chest when Karen was so livid that he could practically see smoke drifting out of her ears. She shook her head slowly, and pointed a finger at the both of them.

“You _both_ are going to hell,” She spat out before storming away like a toddler. 

“See you there, whore!”

Cartman grinned, awfully satisfied. Well, before he turned his head to Kyle. He was just staring straight ahead, and Cartman could see the wheels in his head turning.

He cleared his throat. 

“Well. Anyway,” He forgot that their fingers were still interlocked, it felt way too natural, and he painfully pulled away his hand from Kyle’s. He pointed his thumbs to the back of him, the way towards the kitchen.

“I’m gonna get back to my grill. Um, yeah.”

_Goddamnit. _He began to walk away but a hand tugged at his shoulder and before he knew it Kyle’s lips were on his again. But this time it wasn’t for show, and Kyle softly bit into his bottom lip and it was- _really fucking hot._

After a minute or two of filthy kisses, Kyle pulled away, the only sound between them was their heavy panting and...the crackling sound of the grill? 

“_Shit!”_

Cartman let go of Kyle’s waist and ran over to the grill where burger patties were basically charred to a crisp. Kyle simply rolled his eyes before returning to the cashier. “Nice going, dickhead.”

After Cartman threw the patties in the trash, he turned back around, and looked Kyle up and down. And yup, he still had a really nice ass.

Facing the grill again, he smiled to himself while placing new patties on the hot stove.

“Worth it.”

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy! <3


End file.
